New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
