Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
