Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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