So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
