Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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