Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
His nipple licking is glorious
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