If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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