Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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