Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
