why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
