highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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