do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
