It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
