I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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