I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
