You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
