What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
