His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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