Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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