you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
