i permit you to call me
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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