I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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