he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
