Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
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