Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
