It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
