Girls should come with a carfax report
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
