Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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