yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
