he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
