did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
