Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
