my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
