Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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