what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
