What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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