You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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