what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
