I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
