Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
