I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
