Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
