great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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