i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Maybe he injected his testicle?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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