dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
