we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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