apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
