sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
