bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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