do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
