I wannas sexs uuuuu
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
