hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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