He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
