Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
